Growth, self-awareness and maturity are vital before making a decision on a life mate. These vital phases take place from patience and time of being on your own, finding own identity and growing spiritually. Without these components you may find yourself in someone else’s drama. Here are a few things to consider before choosing a partner for the long haul.
1. Are They Mature?
A mature person is willing to take responsibility without excuse so you have to ask yourself, is the person you are considering to live your life with willing or unwilling to be held accountable for their actions? An immature person will have an excuse for everything, taking no blame for anything. In the long run always having an excuse or never taking accountability can cause your spouse to wonder whether they are getting the truth or simply more excuses. The main reason for this behavior in an individual is the notion that “if what I do is seen as wrong then I won’t be loved,” a complex usually harbored from childhood where mistakes or mishaps were counteracted by ridicule, punishment, shame, no affection or isolation.
2. Do They Have a Healthy Mindset?
Unhealthy people match with unhealthy people; healthy people match with healthy people. Most people know what happens when you put crabs in pot of hot water. For those that don’t I’ll explain---in any situation of survival there is a fight or flight response; when crabs are put in a pot of hot water they naturally try to reach up to get out, but what happens is the crabs below inevitably pull them down. There comes a time in some lives where they want to grow for the better, one unhealthy individual will always try to undermine the other’s attempt to get healthy because they don’t want to be alone. Still not seeing the big picture, huh? Look at it this way, two people crouch down, one stands, the other person can either stand or pull the other down---beware of the person who tries to pull you down.
Fear is the common force behind mismatched people in relationships---fear of another failed relationship, fear of not being able to sustain the pain or transition of change.
3. Is It Love or Lust?
Love is not about infatuation or lust. Some think because they do so many crazy and irrational things over someone that they must really love that person---correction, you must really lust that person because those actions are related to infatuation and lust more than love itself. Lust is an irrational frame of mind; infatuation is the initial phase of genuinely liking someone: having butterflies when you see them, air being bittersweet, everything they do is seemingly perfect; there is an initial euphoria that takes place between two people upon early encounters. As time progresses and those feelings level out the work begins and for both involved it’s a turning point. A person in lust may leave because they see it as the feelings aren’t the same anymore, believing the overwhelming feelings from the beginning aren’t there anymore which isn’t necessarily the case. When one gets past the lust and infatuation stage love can grow as respect, awe, admiration and trust.
What do you think? What did you ask yourself before you decided someone was the one? What do you think a person should think about before deciding to spend their life with someone?
photos courtesy of www.myishacherry.com, www.steadymarriages.com